Accounting for a Half Century

Ten years ago when I turned 40, I remember that I didn’t feel good about passing that milestone. I felt that my life was narrowing, getting smaller. But then I chose to flip my thinking, and I threw myself an epic weekend of celebrations with female friends and family members, as well as a party with all of my local friends and colleagues. Choosing to celebrate with special people made it easier to move forward into that next decade–embracing the truth with acceptance and confidence. A lot happened in my life in the couple of years following that birthday–and over the past decade my life has opened and expanded in numerous ways. It transformed to become the opposite of what I was feeling at the start of my 40s. 

Now, ten years have passed and this month I entered the NEXT decade.  Similar to that time, I was a little sad and down in the weeks and days leading up to my 50th birthday (November 15). How could I really be this age? How did time go so fast? Was I where I thought I’d be? What more do I want from this life? So many questions bounced around my mind, and feelings fluctuated in my heart and soul.  

While I celebrated the actual day in a new city and country with gal pals (I’ll do another post about our visit to Tbilisi, Georgia), there was a lot of thinking and contemplation that occurred beforehand. Over the past month or two I spent time reflecting on what I have accomplished, done, seen, learned, been, etc….across my first 50 years of life–one half of a century. Here is a small cataloging or accounting of my first 50 years on the planet:

• • • I have lived at 20 different “homes” in four U.S. States, and across three countries (🇺🇸, 🇲🇳, 🇹🇷);
    • I owned (and then sold) one house in Fountain, Colorado (2001-2014);
    • I attended five universities between 1993 and 2005 (Mount St. Mary’s, Edinboro University, Boise State University, Colorado State University, and Texas Woman’s University);
    • I earned two degrees (Bachelor of Arts in English; Master of Library Science);
    • I married three times–(but have legal documentation for marriage in four U.S. states and one foreign country–that’s a riddle for you!) 🤔;
    • I spent a total of 20 years in marriage;
    • And yet, I have never received an actual proposal 😂 ;
    • I have divorced three times;
    • I have one child–a stepson from my last marriage;
    • I have owned five cars (Plymouth Sundance, two Dodge Stratuses, Hyundai Sonata, Nissan Versa);
    • I have visited 26 countries (U.S., Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, Mongolia, China, Belgium, Germany, England, Australia, Greece, Bosnia, Japan, Croatia, Luxembourg, Spain, Ukraine, Russia, South Africa, Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Hungary, Austria, the Netherlands, Türkiye, Georgia);
    • I have worked in 16 different jobs/roles since I started working around the age of 13 (babysitter, flower seller, framery shop employee, shoe store clerk, tutor, dishwasher, waitress/server, civil service employee for the Army National Guard, customer service representative at a supermarket, ticket checker at a ski resort, data entry for a temp agency, Call Response Specialist for Digital Equipment Corporation/Compaq/HP, Language Arts/English Teacher, School Librarian, and School Library Consultant);
    • I have worked in five schools across my 19 years in Education–public, private, international, and national, and across all grades from PreK to Grade 12;
    • I have been “in love” six times. This includes RIGHT NOW–which has been an unexpected and beautiful surprise!–finding love in the weeks before turning 50 years old. 🥰 Though I can say each time it has had a different hue and depth than the love that preceded it. I suppose this is what happens as we change and grow, so does our ability to give and receive love.
      

I am still adapting to what it “feels” like to be 50 years old. Mostly, as so many others have said before, I don’t FEEL 50 years old. But I do have some chronic aches and pains, and sleeping gets harder as I age. I am more careful with my movements–paying close attention to my ankles, knees, and hips. Visiting my massage therapist on a regular basis has become a priority. 

I know that the only things I have regretted in life were the things I did not do or did not say. Mistakes, with time, are easy to overcome, and in hindsight they become small and insignificant. Whereas “what ifs” can linger and haunt. That is why I work hard to be intentional each and every moment. Now is all we have and it could all be over today, or tomorrow–so i do my best to ENJOY each moment of every day. It’s also why I think it’s important to tell people how you feel. And if something happens that brings up a memory with a family member or friend, please take a moment to message or call that person and tell them that you are thinking of them!

Now I’d like to take a little time to reflect on some larger questions about the past 50 years. I’m opting to answer a few specific questions. The question is in bold, my answer follows.

What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
My mother told me the following when I was around 19 or 20 years old: When considering a big decision in life–university to attend, a job offer, a move, purchasing a home or car, having a child, whether to pursue a relationship or not–take a moment and IMAGINE what the worst possible outcome could be for that choice. If you can LIVE with that possible worst outcome, then you should GO FOR IT! I have applied this advice numerous times across the past 30 years and I can say it has served me well. My mother is a wise woman!

What are you most proud of?
The unexpected choices or big moves I’ve made across these 50 years. There is no single one thing. I’m proud I joined the U.S. Military when I was 17 years old. I am proud that I moved across the country at the age of 21 to begin my own independent life. I am proud that I followed love to the state of Colorado (husband #2). And I am proud that I followed love around the globe and moved to Mongolia (husband #3).

But it is not the face value of these choices that I am proud of, rather it is the unexpected results of those choices that has brought me the most beauty and enjoyment from life. Serving in the U.S. Army National Guard made a patriot out of me, and because of my service I have friends around the globe and so many incredible memories from our time spent serving together in various locales. The camaraderie that I experienced in the military is not something I have found or felt anywhere else. It is a precious experience which I hold dear.

I lived in Colorado for 16 years and to this day it still feels like the singular place that IS my stateside home. Despite spending my years there in relationship with husband #2, what remains with me today is my career progression (getting my two degrees and moving into Education and working in libraries) and my plethora of good and close friends that remain with me today. It was while I lived in Colorado that I discovered Library Science and I remain in that field today–and LOVE it. And I have visitied my Colorado friends, just as they have come across the globe to visit me in Türkiye. That’s Friendship!

And while the love affair that I chased to Mongolia ended in heartbreak and broken dreams (that worst case scenario my mother had prepped me for), from those ashes a new life was discovered–my work and life here in Türkiye. If I had never gone to Mongolia first, I would have never lived in Izmir. I love my current life and would trade it for nothing. 

Ultimately, all of the things I am proud of are not what they seem. But they each illustrate the core of my beliefs, and the title of my blog–All for Something. I know some people disagree or don’t believe (which is just fine!), but I believe that things, events, people, and choices happen for a reason. It can take time, sometimes years, to have the ability to see and understand the WHY. But it always presents itself. And so I hold faith that I am where I was always meant to be–as a result of both fate and my choices. 

What do I value most in my life?

• • • I value my profession and the school that employs me. I feel I can make a difference in the lives of young people which gives purpose to my days.
    • I value my financial independence–something I didn’t have until after I was more than 40 years old. Now it is something I want to protect at all cost. I never want to return to living in debt. This is one of the many reasons why I don’t see myself returning to live full time in the U.S.  
    • I value my home (provided by my employer)–it is a peaceful and cozy place in which to enjoy passing time, whether I am alone, with my boyfriend, or hosting a gathering.
    • I value my feline friends–Ziggy and Jinx. They make me smile and bring me joy.
    • I value the opportunity to travel and expose myself to different places, foods, cultures, and people. This expands my understanding of the world and myself.
    • I value my family and my friends–but I’ll talk about them in the next section–but it should be noted that I value QUALITY TIME–it is my primary love language. So whether I am with friends or family, I want to spend quality connection time which preferably includes deep conversation about the things that matter. 

Who are the most important people in my life?
This list is long. Firstly, my family–though they are geographically far from me–are very important. Thanks to modern technology we can stay connected across our various time zones and in spite of our diverse ages and stages in life. We are connected and in communication and make intentional plans to meet and spend time together (our next target is summer of 2025 in California for the next Caveney Clan Reunion).

Next, I value my friends! I have friends from every age and stage of my life–beginning with elementary school, through high school, from the time I served in the U.S. military, to friends from every city/country I have ever lived in. Thanks to Facebook, Instagram, and Whatsapp–I’m able to stay connected with friends in Australia, China, Canada, the U.S., Mongolia, Saudi Arabia, Spain, and Turkey. I spend a great deal of time listening to and recording audio messages as it seems to be the best way to stay connected across the various time zones. I am perhaps most proud of having and being a good friend. It is a big inspiration and motivator in my life–assisting those we love along their path in life. 

What makes me happy?
Honestly, it’s the simple things in life. I am happy when I am in deep conversation. I am happy when I’m writing, and when I’m reading a good book. I’m happy when I walk seaside or in nature. I’m happy when I listen to music–alone or with friends. I am happy to hold hands and kiss my special guy. I am happy when I am enjoying good times spent with family or friends. I am happy to drink good wine and taste delicious foods.

Recently someone said to me that they couldn’t believe I was happy all the time. But I am. Honestly. Sure, I have bad days and frustrating moments, but most of the time, as in 90-95% of the time, I am happy. I believe we can choose happiness and after my years of feeling caged by choices or limited by my situation, I make intentional daily choices to pursue the people and experiences that bring me joy and contentment. That’s my primary goal of each and every day.

What are my hopes for the future?
This is a small list. I hope to work another 10-15 years, hopefully here at ACI (though no one can predict the economy or what governments will or won’t do), and then I intend to retire. I hope to purchase a place of my own here (in Dalyan). I want to retire to that home and write my memoir(s). And of course continue to spend good times with loved ones. It’s really THAT simple for me.