Loving these Turkish Ways-of-Life

Many moons ago, on my previous blog, I wrote a post entitled “Mongolian Habits to Adopt.” I was more than two years into living life in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia, and didn’t know yet that I would be pushed to leave that country. But here I am in my fourth year of life in İzmir, Turkey! I was recently reflecting upon ALL the things I love about Turkey, and about making a life here. I remembered that old post and thought I could share some thoughts. So here it goes–for all those that have directly asked me “why Turkey?”

First on the list is how much of life can be lived or experienced OUTSIDE. Turkey, and especially İzmir, has a strong culture of sitting and being outside. Cafes and restaurants with outdoor seating, even in winter months, abound. Most people enjoy sitting in either their bahçe (garden or yard) if they are on the ground floor, or on their balcony if they are on upper floors (most live in apartments in the city). I have a balcony and often visit it in my mornings to sip my coffee while looking down on the cats, dogs, and people moving around below. In the evenings I can watch the sun set through the trees, and enjoy the day’s unique configuration of blue sky, sun, and clouds. Ziggy joins me and crouches to watch the hooded crows that touch down in the trees around my building, or leans out and over to watch the creatures below in the garden (we have a host of stray cats that call our garden “home”). The weather is a bit chilly yet so I don’t spend long periods of time on the balcony, but spring and summer are coming and I will soon be sunning myself there to prepare for the beach summer that lies ahead.

Secondly, Türks are big on that primary human desire to connect. Perhaps this is a product of the first point, but every city block has at least one, if not multiple, tea or coffee houses and they are open ALL DAY. As I rode home in a taxi last Friday night, after sharing dinner with a girlfriend, I looked out the window at all of the cafes that were yet populated with people having coffee and chatting with a friend–it was after 10 PM. I cannot have coffee much later than early afternoon or it will keep me up the rest of the night. But this is not the case for Türks! Maybe it’s because they are raised in a deep çay (tea) culture, and are acclimated to the effects of caffeine from a young age. Meeting up for coffee or tea is a near daily experience. Sometimes these meet-ups are planned, but it also happens by chance when you cross paths with a friend or acquaintance in the street.

Thirdly, I enjoy that the culture is rooted around a leisurely-paced eating experience. While one can certainly feast on what is known as Turkish fast food (kumru, döner durum, tost, etc), I would recommend you sit back with family or friends and enjoy a leisurely dining experience. This will include an array of mezes and drinks of your choice, followed by a main entree (köfte, which is grilled meatballs, or grilled chicken or fish), and then something sweet to end the night with a side of Turkish kahve (I do make an exception for Turkish coffee on a Friday or Saturday night out with friends!). If you don’t want a main entree, then you can continue on with different or more mezes. During the COVID lockdowns, I made it a habit of visiting a local establishment on Friday afternoons and purchasing a selection of mezes to take home and eat from over the weekend. I would sit on my balcony on Friday evening, sipping rakı and şalgam, munching on freshly baked bread and my favorite mezes (plain fava, şakşuka, haydari, fasulye pilaki, and beets).

American eating-out culture is too much about turning over tables and making the server, and the restaurant, money. Here in Turkey it is not uncommon to spend two, three, or even five hours at a restaurant. The waitstaff does not bring the check until you ask for it! Everyone is present and IN THE NOW–enjoying wonderful food, and sharing in stories and laughter together. The focus is where it ought to be–time well spent together with those we care about.

Finally, and perhaps the greatest opportunity for a Westerner to adopt a Turkish way-of-being, has to be around something that is difficult to put into words. But I will try nonetheless.

While Türks, like all other humans, have dreams and pursue the paths they want in this life, they balance these with a deep sense of accepting/knowing that the “fates” will have their way with each of us (and for some, it is religious grounding in believing that God is in charge–this is accompanied often with the common phrase “Inshallah”–which translates as “God willing”).

This culture illustrates how it is wise to accept the fates we are dealt and to NOT get our panties-in-a-knot when things don’t go the way we wish or want. They acknowledge the disappointment or failure, then they LET IT GO, and move on. They do not often waste their time complaining or bitching and moaning about those things which lie beyond their control. I guess you could say they are much better at knowing the truth that change is the only constant and humans are mere travelers in this life, we come and we go, while the planet keeps spinning. 

Another aspect of this way-of-being is that Türks tend to dismiss the worst case scenario and hold faith that things will, in the end, be OKAY. As the Turkish economy has struggled in recent months, and we have the war of Russian aggression happening just to the north of us, I am trying hard to practice this Turkish way of believing that things will work out. My word for the year, Trust, dovetails nicely with this. I listen to my Turkish friends and try my best to imitate and follow their lead. At the end of the day, I cannot impact the course of armies or nations, but I can do my best to support friends, to teach students, to practice kindness, and to live in gratitude.

A fellow American friend of mine, who has been living in Turkey for a number of years, said something last summer that continues to resonate with me. He commented that travel is the thing that causes us to “smash our stereotypes on the rocks of experience.” I agree with him wholeheartedly. But I would further that idea to say that choosing to live abroad for an extended period of time expands those realizations. It’s true that traveling to a new place will expose one to seeing that what we thought we knew to be true about a people, place, culture, is sometimes not the truth or reality. But then we return to our normal everyday lives in our home country. Staying months or years in a different place allows your awareness to grow and your experience to gain depth and nuance. 

That said, I know I live with the privilege and opportunity to make a life abroad and that it is not for everyone. But if you have considered it, I recommend you explore that option and give it a go when/if you can. I don’t know when I may return to the U.S. to live, but when I do I will bring with me these lessons-learned about living life in another culture, and doing what I can to make it a part of who I am, no matter where I live. 

For now I simply say, Thank you, Turkey. 🙏🏼